Royal Pains
by prettypurple
Summary: Yet another "Wakko's Wish" story, this one inspired by King Salazar saying that the Warners are "just like their parents". Shortly after Wakko is born, Salazar tries to get King William and Queen Angelina to give up their thrones. They decide to drive him crazy instead, with a little help from Yakko and Wakko...
1. Chapter 1

_Animaniacs_ and its characters belong to Warner Bros.

* * *

In the royal nursery, little Prince Yakko had fallen asleep, and his mother had just finished feeding her younger son, baby Wakko. Queen Angelina patted him on the back.

"Give a big burp for Mommy."

"GEEYUHHH!"

"A little _too_ big, sweetie," said Angelina, adjusting the flower scrunchie she wore whenever she dressed casually.

King William entered, looking exhausted. "Angie, there's something you should know."

"Mommy? Daddy?" Yakko, having been awoken by Wakko's belch, looked worriedly at his parents.

"Everything's okay, son," said William as Angelina put Wakko in his crib. "Mommy and I just have to talk about a grown-up thing."

If Yakko hadn't been so sleepy, he would have continued to ask questions. To his parents' relief, he just yawned and closed his eyes again.

* * *

"What is it, Bill?" Angelina whispered in the hallway.

"Our special friend from Ticktockia is coming back to try and get us to give him the kingdom."

"Not again!" groaned Angelina. "Can't one country be enough for him?" She shook her head exasperatedly. "I guess he's not called 'King Salazar the Pushy' for nothing."

William gave his wife the sly little smile that Yakko had recently started to imitate. "And I wasn't called 'Sir William the Zany' for nothing!"

"What are you going to do?"

"_I'm_ not going to do anything. _We_ are going to work together to keep the 'Warner' in 'Warnerstock'!"


	2. Chapter 2

Yakko, clinging to his mother's skirt, looked curiously at the stranger. He was the same height as Yakko's father, and wore a similar crown and cape, but didn't look nearly as nice.

"What are you staring at, boy?" the man snapped at him.

"My name's Yakko."

"That's your problem," the stranger replied.

"Why are you wearing a clock, mister?"

The stranger puffed out his chest in a self-important way. "This is no mere clock. It is the symbol of a great line of kings."

"Do they know you have it?" Yakko asked with a cheeky smile.

"You would do well to teach your son not to sass his elders," King Salazar of Ticktockia growled at King William, who was holding Wakko.

"Don't blame Bill, Salad Bar," said Queen Angelina, taking Yakko's hand and going to her husband's side. "Yakko gets his sense of humour from my side of the family."

Wakko puffed out his cheeks and stuck his tongue out at Salazar.

"And that would be from my side of the family," said William, copying his baby son.

Salazar groaned. He wasn't particularly fond of children, to put it mildly, but they were even more annoying when their bad behaviour was ignored, or worse, _encouraged_ by their parents. "I'm not accustomed to being around children. Shouldn't your sons be with their nanny?"

"The nanny's taken a leave of absence," said William. "At least, I think that was what she requested." He pretended to look quizzically at his wife. "Angie, can you remember if Miss Hoyl said 'leave' or 'reprieve'?"

"I can't remember, either," Angelina said breezily. "Having kids isn't that bad, Sal. They can be a handful, but they grow on you."

The whole royal family began laughing, while Salazar remained stony-faced.

"Don't you get it?" William asked. "Y'know, getting more attached to your kids, and then they literally grow?"

Salazar didn't respond.

"I thought that was a good one," said Angelina, sounding a little offended. "Where's your sense of humour, Salad Bar?"

"Salazar," the king of Ticktockia said through clenched teeth. "Not Salad Bar."

"Speaking of salad bars," said William, "I'm getting hungry. Why don't we have dinner?"

* * *

"Come on, Wakko," Angelina said pleadingly as her younger son fidgeted in his highchair. "You need to eat."

Wakko blew a raspberry in his mother's face.

"I can't feed you if you do that. Have some nice food."

"Pluh!" said Wakko, making another gookie face.

Angelina rolled her eyes. Wakko would often try to eat rocks, toys, and picture books, among other things, and yet he made faces at baby food with mashed broccoli and peas in it.

"Let me try," said William. "Watch Daddy, Wakko!" He put a spoonful of baby food in his own mouth, and promptly turned as green as the broccoli and peas.

"Yuck! No wonder he doesn't want it!"

"I got idea!" said Yakko. "Watch _me_, Wakko!"

Yakko began bouncing on his tail. "Boingy, boingy, boingy..."

Wakko began to laugh, and his mouth opened wide enough for his mother to get some food inside.

William caught Yakko in mid-bounce. "Good boy, Yakko. That really-"

Wakko spat out the baby food...directly in the face of King Salazar, who was sitting right across from him. Salazar began to turn red, with smoke coming out of his ears.

Angelina smiled nervously. "Uuuuhhh...napkin?"

"I WANT MY DINNER! I WANT MY TREATY SIGNED!"

"Treat?" Yakko asked hopefully.

"Calm down, Salad Bar!" said William. "You're just cranky from hunger." He changed into a waiter uniform. "Might I suggest the house salad?"

A house fell on top of Salazar.

"No," came his muffled voice.

"Chicken salad?"

Salazar came out from under the house to see a giant chicken in a chef's hat, holding up a salad. "Certainly not!"

"Okay, skip the salad," said Angelina. "We have many other excellent dishes: pate or liverwurst?"

"They're the same thing," Salazar said, once again through clenched teeth.

"Caviar or fish eggs?"

"They are also the same thing."

"Spatzle or egg noodles?"

"They...are...the...same...thing!" Salazar was seething by this point.

"If you're going to be picky, we'll just order a pizza," Angelina said primly.

Seconds later, William popped up wearing the uniform of a pizza delivery man and carrying a stack of boxes. "Thirty seconds or less, or it's free!"

Angelina checked Salazar's clock. "It's been thirty-one seconds."

"Alright then, here you go!"

"Large ham, Salazar?" Angelina asked.

"I suppose so."

Angelina smiled slyly. "Just remember: you said that. I didn't. Catch!"

She tossed the box to Salazar. When he opened it, Yakko jumped out. "Ta-da!"

"Queen Angelina, what is the meaning of this?" Salazar roared.

"My little Yakko can be a real ham," said Angelina, affectionately rubbing her son's ears. "You should see him whenever his daddy plays 'Merry-Go-Round Broke Down' on the piano."

"For your beverage, Mr. Salad Bar, would you like hippocras or spiced wine?" asked William, now back in his waiter costume.

With flames in his where his pupils should have been, Salazar shoved a piece of paper in William's face. "Sign this treaty that will give Warnerstock to me, or I will-"

William subtly gave Angelina and the boys what he called the "turn on the waterworks signal".

"Boys, no!" Angelina shouted, taking the bottle of hippocras out of the children's reach. "You can't have that!"

The boys began to cry. "I want the spicy juice!" Yakko shouted as Wakko banged his spoon. "I want the spicy juice!"

"Excuse me, Salad Bar," William said sweetly, "but Angie and I need to handle this!" He and Angelina picked up their sons and carried them out of the great hall.

"Nice work," William whispered once the family was out of Salazar's earshot.

Yakko looked confused. "I really do want the spicy juice."

* * *

Later, the Warners and Salazar were listening to William play "Chopsticks" on the piano, while Wakko played along on his little xylophone.

"Isn't he adorable?" William said proudly. "I taught him everything I know."

"Unfortunately," Angelina muttered to Salazar, thinking of the belching.

Salazar growled.

"What's the matter, Salad Bar?" asked William. "Would you prefer 'Hungarian Rhapsody Number 5'?"

"Are you and your wife going to sign the treaty or not?" Salazar bellowed.

"Never!" the King and Queen declared, the little princes imitating their parents' defiantly crossed arms.

"Well," said Salazar evilly, "I have a way to break your will!" He took out a remote control and pressed a big red button. The ground began to shake, and the Warners could hear a faint, stupid giggling.

"Oh no!" whispered Angelina. "Please tell me it's not-"

"Gee goshums!" giggled the orange dinosaur. "Some new friendly friends!"

Wakko began bawling, and Yakko hid behind his mother.

"Monster, Mommy! Monster!"

"Now what, Bill?" Angelina asked desperately. "Any more ideas?"

William gulped. "Yes: RUN!"


	3. Chapter 3

"He's gaining on us!" Angelina screamed over Baloney's brainless giggling.

"You make me feel fun-fun doodily dum!"

"Don't panic!" William panted, holding Wakko protectively. "We're almost in the throne room!"

Once the Warners were in the throne room, William passed Wakko to Angelina and positioned himself by a rope next to his throne.

"All we have to do is wait for that orange abomination, and then I'll drop an anvil on him."

"I wanna do it!" said Yakko.

"Alright, son." William lifted him up to the rope. "Now get ready..."

Baloney lumbered in. "Won't you be my special friends?"

"Pull!"

Yakko pulled the rope as hard as he could, and onto Baloney dropped...

"My other piano?" William said in dismay.

"Yay!" said Baloney. "I lovey-dove pianos!"

William put Yakko down and tugged on the rope with both hands.

CLANG!

"I think safes only work when they're dropped on mimes," said Angelina. She motioned for Yakko to get behind the thrones as a dented, but not defeated, Baloney got back up.

"Gosh oh golly gee!"

"Third time's the charm!" Angelina declared, holding Wakko in one arm and pulling the rope again with her free hand.

CLANG!

"Oh for crying out loud!" the Queen of Warnerstock shouted in frustration. "A _refrigerator?"_

"Let's do it again!" said Baloney. The Warners backed into a corner as the sickly-sweet dinosaur approached."

"Hey, Salad Bar!" William shouted. "Angie and I'll do anything you want! Just call off your monster; he's scaring the kids!"

Salazar appeared in the throne room almost immediately. He pressed another button on his remote, and an anvil finally fell onto Baloney. "Now sign the treaty!"

William and Angelina wrote on the dotted lines. "There," said Angelina. "We signed the stupid treaty. Leave our castle."

"I'm not leaving," said Salazar. "This is now _my_ castle."

"Alright, then," said Angelina. "_You_ leave."

"Fine!" Salazar stalked out of the throne room.

"He'll catch on any time now," William snickered.

Salazar burst back into the room, waving the treaty in the King and Queen's faces. "What is the meaning of this?"

Instead of their names, William and Angelina had written, "So long, sucker!"

"We will never give you Warnerstock!" William declared. "Angie and I tried to be nice about it at first, but you just wouldn't stop annoying us. We decided to give you a taste of your own medicine."

"It's over, Salad Bar," Angelina said smugly as Yakko and Wakko made faces at the Ticktockian king.

"No, it is NOT!" Salazar growled. "Someday, somehow, your country will be mine! Make no mistake about that!"

He turned on his heel and left, grumbling to himself.

The smug smile fell from Angelina's face. "Gee, Bill, do you think we went too far? Salad Bar sounded like he meant business."

"Nah," said William airily. "If Baloney's the worst he can do, then I'm not-"

CLANG! Wakko had pulled on the rope and dropped an anvil on his father.

"William!"

"Daddy!"

"Bill, are you okay?"

"Oh, sure," said a dazed William as stars spun around his head. "_Now_ the anvil comes down." He took Yakko's hand and put an arm around Angelina. "Let's go have some real dinner."


End file.
